Gang Bang

By Jan Capps

Ya know, when I shout beta at my friends, people sitting on the ground always give me shit. Yet, when they are sketchin' on the rock, they think of me as their savior. Yeah, the one with all the BETA. I can give beta to three people at one time. Of course this usually causes a bit of confusion on the part of the climbers. Hee hee… that can be entertaining in and of itself. Every now and then I run into one of those serious, anal-type climbers that want to figure it our for themselves and get really pissed off when you try to give them beta even though you've been watching them flail for over an hour. Well, they can kiss my ass. I'm sure that they wouldn't be reading this article anyway because only the coolest of people have access to this magazine.

This issue's featured climb, Gang Bang (11a), is located at Reimer's Fishing Ranch in Austin, Texas. Refer to Texas Limestone II to figure out where the climb is 'cause if you can not even find the climb, you are not worth giving beta to. My own personal suggestion is to get some bad ass, burly mofo to lead Gang Bang for you, but, DON'T GIVE HIM ANY BETA. Let him do it the hard way. I have personally flailed on this climb for two hours straight and unfortunately have many witnesses to prove it. When Mr. Burly has set it up on a nice, safe, TopRope, cruise up to the climb and go, "hmmmm, I think I see what needs to happen here". Be positive, Don't let the physics of the situation get you down. If you care about impressing the masses, memorize the beta before hand. If not, nave your trusty climbing buddy, not the belayer, shout out the beta as you go. Or if 11a is a little out of your league, hang out below the climb and shout out beta to anyone who looks like they are having trouble. That way, you can impress the chicks/ guys by making them think that you've actually done the climb. Whatever you do with the beta, use it wisely.

Gang Bang

• Scramble up to the climb.
• Put your hand in the sinker pocket. I'm 5'4" and I can barely reach it by tiptoe, some asshole knocked a huge chunk of rock off the base of the climb so you will have to stand on the pile of rocks beneath the climb. Don't feel like a wuss since the climb would be impossible without standing on something. And besides, you're following the beta guide aren't you?
• Put your left hand on the shitty crimper.
• Mentally prepare yourself for the gut wrenching move that is coming up.
• Look up and to the left. You will see a huge jug big enough for both hands, that is where you need to go on the next move.
• Pull your feet up on the wall, There is a place to put one foot on the wall, it has a black rubber mark and I have seen people put either foot there successfully. Fully extend your right arm. This is very important. You should not be locked off in any way.
• Now, swing from side to side to get some momentum going. Then push off with all your might with your foot and dyno for the huge jug with your left hand. Do not try to do this static or you will flail. There is a slopey intermediate hold with a lot of chalk on it that is a great big sucker hold. AVOID THS AT ALL COST.
• Match on the jug.
• Slightly to the left is another jug with a handlebar in the middle. You won't be able to see the handlebar, but trust me. Grab the handlebar with your left hand. Grab whichever pocket with your right hand that feels comfortable to you and work your feet up.
• Up and to the right, there is a two-finger sinker pocket. There are lots of pockets but you need this specific one. It is about 2 feet up and a foot and a half to the right. When you put your right hand in the tow finger pocket, you will be able to stand up. That completes the crux of the climb…. Now shake out and rest for a few minutes because this is the only rest that you are going to get.
• Now, look straight up to the left of the 2nd bolt. There should be a decent hold that is obvious like a flake, jug, or side pull. I can't remember exactly, but then nobody's perfect.
• Take a second and look up and way left. There is a huge jug that you can match on. That is your next goal. This is the second crux.
• Next, there is a crimper flake-thing to the left.
• To the left of that crimper is a slight bulge. Straight up there is a shallow dish for your right hand. To the left of that is another shitty shallow dish. You won't be able to see the dishes, but have faith. I know that they are there.
• Grab the rightmost dish with your right hand and the leftmost dish with your left hand while working your feet up.
• You should be able to reach the jug now. Match on the jug and pray that your arms will hold 'cause you should be pumped to the max by now.
• Straight up, there is a big ledge. Grab it with either hand and match on it.
• The chains are on the right, so work your way right on slopers and dishes and such until you are at the chains.

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