TopRope.com: Hallucinations

Dirt Bagging Quiz: Poor is a state of mind.

I used to think that dirtbagging was a response to being poor, but having recently acquired a real job, I can now say it's a state of mind. But what, you may ask, does one have to do to declare himself a "dirtbag" climber. Luckily I have taken the time to prepare the following quiz over a lot of cheap beers.

1. You only shower on a climbing trip when:

a) You want to impress the hottie camping nearby.
b) Your tentmate claims they're going to puke from the stench of your feet
c) You get drunk and fall into a nearby river while trying to relieve yourself.

2. You drink good beer: Mike Finger

a) All the time.
b) When someone else is paying for it.
c) All beer is good beer.

3. A tent is something that:

a) Keeps the bugs off you when you're asleep at night.
b) Is good for when it rains or you score with the hottie camping close by.
c) Preachers and clowns hang out in.

4. The one thing in life that terrifies you is:

a) Slab climbs.
b) A hard trad lead with an 'R' or 'X' by it in the guidebook.
c) Relationships.

5. You bought your last rope:

a) New at Whole Earth.
b) Used from some guy named Skeeter in the Hueco Tanks parking lot.
c) Buy?!? Why buy one when there are plenty of free ropes in the rock gym dumpster.

6. For dinner while camping at your favorite crag you:

a) Drive into town and eat at a nice restaurant.
b) Whip out tuna, mac-n-cheese, cornuts and Meisterbrau.
c) Bum food from friends, boy scouts, and church groups.

7. One morning while camping out you get up for a glorious day of climbing and find that you have no coffee. You:

a) Don't drink coffee anyways, so it doesn't matter.
b) Dig the grounds out of the garbage and suck on them.
c) Between the shaking, blurred vision, and headaches, you barely manage to drive 120 miles to the closest store and buy a cup o'joe.

8. On pitch 7 of an 8 pitch climb your partner drops a stopper that you found at the crag six years ago. It lands at 2nd pitch belay ledge. You:

a) Don't care, it needed to be retired anyway.
b) Berate your partner for the next 20 minutes and make him buy you a beer.
c) Rap down and get it, even though there's a storm blowing in and it's getting dark.

9. During sex you think about:

a) Your partner.
b) That cute climber that was at the gym last night.
c) The project you're going to send tomorrow.

10. For lunch while climbing you eat:

a) A Met-rx bar and Gatorade.
b) A Clif Bar and water.
c) A can of tuna you eat with a stick you found in the dirt and a moonpie.

Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered a, 2 points for every b and three points for every c.

11-15 points: Pathetic. Go back to the gym, pansy. Do you have your new sport picked out for when climbing isn't trendy anymore?

16-24 points: There's hope, but barely. Stop spending your money on Prana and Ropegun clothing and use it for a road trip.

25 points and more: Climb 'til yah die!